Cheery People
I need to vent. I had an encounter at work on Friday that is still bothering me. Everyone I work with is aware that B & I are are adopting a baby from China. For the most part, I have received nothing but support from my colleagues. Every once in a while I will get a comment that offends me like "Can't you have kids of your own?" These comments are usually not meant with any malice, just a thoughtless remark. I usually just brush it off and move on. One of the people I work with, I'll call her Scarlett made a comment to me that I just didn't know how to respond to.
Scarlett is a fifty-ish woman with a very annoying, everything is wonderful, isn't life grand attitude. I don't have a problem with upbeat people but Scarlett's never ending stream of compliments to anyone that passes by just screams of insincerity. Friday, I was at the front of the store looking for a customer who would actually talk to me (seems that us commissioned salespeople are about as welcome as a bad case of diarrhea to the average consumer). So I am standing at the front of the store looking for my next prey when I see dear, sweet, ever happy Scarlett lightly skipping my way. Now I don't know this woman all that well, I hardly ever work with her and that suits me just fine. She approaches me and this is what transpired:
Scarlett: "Oh, Sparky! I just heard from so and so that you are adopting a baby from China. That is WONDERFUL news. I am sooooo happy for you.
Me: Thanks. We are very happy as well. (avoiding eye contact, hoping she will go away)
Scarlett: Its just so wonderful of you to do that. You are doing such a wonderful thing adopting a little Chinese baby.
Me: Actually, we are not all that wonderful. Simply put, we want to start a family and this is how we are doing it.
Scarlett: Yes but to go all the way to China when you could easily adopt here in the States. Now, THAT takes a special kind of person.
Me: (with steam starting to escape from my ears and I have now made eye contact) No, we're not special, just want to be parents.
Scarlett: Oh, but they treat there children like garbage over there. Just toss them out on the streets like trash. You are REALLY doing a wonderful thing by saving one of those babies.
Me: Actually Scarlett, that isn't the case. You really need to be more informed before you say such insulting things. (the steam coming out of my ears could now power a small locomotive, eye contact is now to the point that I may pierce a hole right through this dim wit's head with my gaze )
Scarlett: Obviously, you've heard the same thing or you wouldn't be reacting this way.
And with that she turned and skipped away to annoy someone else with her insincere flattery and inapproriate comments.
I haven't spoken to her since. Her rudeness that she cloaks in a "well meaning" comment has really ticked me off. I don't think I responded as well as I could have. Oh well. I guess I'll get plenty more practice as there are lots of Scarletts in this world.
Scarlett is a fifty-ish woman with a very annoying, everything is wonderful, isn't life grand attitude. I don't have a problem with upbeat people but Scarlett's never ending stream of compliments to anyone that passes by just screams of insincerity. Friday, I was at the front of the store looking for a customer who would actually talk to me (seems that us commissioned salespeople are about as welcome as a bad case of diarrhea to the average consumer). So I am standing at the front of the store looking for my next prey when I see dear, sweet, ever happy Scarlett lightly skipping my way. Now I don't know this woman all that well, I hardly ever work with her and that suits me just fine. She approaches me and this is what transpired:
Scarlett: "Oh, Sparky! I just heard from so and so that you are adopting a baby from China. That is WONDERFUL news. I am sooooo happy for you.
Me: Thanks. We are very happy as well. (avoiding eye contact, hoping she will go away)
Scarlett: Its just so wonderful of you to do that. You are doing such a wonderful thing adopting a little Chinese baby.
Me: Actually, we are not all that wonderful. Simply put, we want to start a family and this is how we are doing it.
Scarlett: Yes but to go all the way to China when you could easily adopt here in the States. Now, THAT takes a special kind of person.
Me: (with steam starting to escape from my ears and I have now made eye contact) No, we're not special, just want to be parents.
Scarlett: Oh, but they treat there children like garbage over there. Just toss them out on the streets like trash. You are REALLY doing a wonderful thing by saving one of those babies.
Me: Actually Scarlett, that isn't the case. You really need to be more informed before you say such insulting things. (the steam coming out of my ears could now power a small locomotive, eye contact is now to the point that I may pierce a hole right through this dim wit's head with my gaze )
Scarlett: Obviously, you've heard the same thing or you wouldn't be reacting this way.
And with that she turned and skipped away to annoy someone else with her insincere flattery and inapproriate comments.
I haven't spoken to her since. Her rudeness that she cloaks in a "well meaning" comment has really ticked me off. I don't think I responded as well as I could have. Oh well. I guess I'll get plenty more practice as there are lots of Scarletts in this world.
posted by Sparky @ Sunday, August 07, 2005
4 Comments:
At 12:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
People should really read up on someones culture before making comments like that...I get the same comments quite a bit and have built up quite a bit of steam myself. I sometimes wonder how I will handle damage control when my daughter is old enough to understand comments like those.
At 3:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
yuck. yuck. yuck. i hate how powerless i feel in discussions like these. you can mention the real info, correct their misperceptions, etc., but they still want to hold onto their smug beliefs because they really don't *want* to know better. it's a shame; i'm sorry you had to deal with it.
--C/I See the Moon
At 8:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
I think, though, that for ever Scarlett, I've met 100 people who have been pretty wonderful. I swear. It's just that I snipe about the jackasses. I have learned to shut them down when they start talking about "throwing away girls like garbage" or "hating girls" - I just say "You know, it's endlessly complicated and I can see why you might think that's the reason but there's soooooooooo much more to it. Let me tell you about it." And sometimes I lecture until their eyes glaze over. But the Scarletts of the world tend to be a vapid bunch, don't they?!!
At 12:01 AM,
M3 said…
Rrrrrrrrrr. Sorry you had to experience that Sparky. Stupid people suck, don't they? I agree with Figlet though, that the good ones far outnumber the others. So screw the dumb ones -- don't even make eye contact. Just turn around and find someone whose eyes light up when they see you and they ask "hey, what's the latest with your cool adoption process?" And then give them a huge bone-crushing hug.
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